life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
