I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
