i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
