just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
