We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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