found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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