guys are not supposed to queef...right?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
