i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
