I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
