I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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