I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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