I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
