I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
