Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
