Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
