ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
