but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
