Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
