i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
