it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
