Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
