My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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