Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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