just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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