i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
