I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
