Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
