White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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