Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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