Already got asked if we're dating
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
