she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
