I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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