Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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