Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
