someone get that fucking seahorse.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
