I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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