You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
