That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
