good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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