Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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