hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
