You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
