a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
