Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
