He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
