yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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