Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
