I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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