oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
