Me too!
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
