My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dick very happy bro
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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