My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
