Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
