You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
