Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
