Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He kissed a someone with a penis
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
