I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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