Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
