Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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